As ever, thank you for the the conversation and the commission, William! It's difficult to find a blend of fiction, history, aesthetics, and poetry the way you have enabled it here.
I'm curious about the line break here. What's the structural justification for splitting up this verb phrase? Are you trying to get some kind of assonance with "blued" and "used"?
Partly—there is the assonance and half-internal-rhyme of "crude," "blued," and "use," definitely. But I more intended the line break to highlight the adjectives that pummel the dead city as an alliterative series, beginning with "blued by use." The key word is "beaten," which at least visually is how the break felt to me while I rewrote this section so that the enjambment split the verb phrase.
‘When we respond to them in kind, it is generative conversation rather than consecration.’ Or, if you’ll suffer my insufferable para-Joycean Catholic sensibilities: a consecrated conversation.
Nothing insufferable about that! A "consecrated conversation" would fit well in terms of the reverence I'd mentioned earlier, without being untouchable. Of course, any such conversation risks conversion in its conversing.
I love that your critical approach balances a healthy amount of looking back in respect with a focus on producing what you can now, without being intimidated by what has come before. I think this balance is really hard to find, and your conversation encouraged me to keep moving forward in the quest.
Thank you, that's more than kind to say. And I'm glad it gives you something for your work also, since in my head it's more of a small-scale survival stance than anything like a mantra.
As ever, thank you for the the conversation and the commission, William! It's difficult to find a blend of fiction, history, aesthetics, and poetry the way you have enabled it here.
It was a pleasure. Here's to more opportunities for shared work going forward.
This crude city of mills was
blued by use, beaten, before it drowned.
I'm curious about the line break here. What's the structural justification for splitting up this verb phrase? Are you trying to get some kind of assonance with "blued" and "used"?
Partly—there is the assonance and half-internal-rhyme of "crude," "blued," and "use," definitely. But I more intended the line break to highlight the adjectives that pummel the dead city as an alliterative series, beginning with "blued by use." The key word is "beaten," which at least visually is how the break felt to me while I rewrote this section so that the enjambment split the verb phrase.
Cool! I fixate on weird things sometimes. :-)
The point of a poem is to fixate, right? I appreciate it!
‘When we respond to them in kind, it is generative conversation rather than consecration.’ Or, if you’ll suffer my insufferable para-Joycean Catholic sensibilities: a consecrated conversation.
Nothing insufferable about that! A "consecrated conversation" would fit well in terms of the reverence I'd mentioned earlier, without being untouchable. Of course, any such conversation risks conversion in its conversing.
😂 Ah but sure a little conversion’s a grand thing for the ole soul.
Nothing better for it, that's attested from the Pope to the publican!
This, my friends, is How It is Done.
Thanks, Zack! At the risk of fishing for compliments - what does "It" mean, and where did you see it done?
How very dare you Kevin! 😂
I love that your critical approach balances a healthy amount of looking back in respect with a focus on producing what you can now, without being intimidated by what has come before. I think this balance is really hard to find, and your conversation encouraged me to keep moving forward in the quest.
Thank you, that's more than kind to say. And I'm glad it gives you something for your work also, since in my head it's more of a small-scale survival stance than anything like a mantra.